I recently started running… and I hate it!
I decided to run every day until some work training starts next month because I want to do things I don’t like, things that challenge me. When I choose to do hard things, that’s when I experience the best things.
So I get up at 5:00 AM, walk to a certain point and then run for awhile. The 5:00 AM part is great, the being outside is great, the quiet of the morning…great! I never see another human and I love that!
But the running, itself… it’s terrible!
I think the reason that I hate it so much is that it points out my weakness. I get out of breath, I feel tired, sometimes my knee starts aching and I’m far more aware of my flaws than I am when I’m not running.
The Lord speaks to me a lot through analogies and while I was running the other morning, reflecting on how much I didn’t like what I was doing – I know, not the best way to keep up motivation – I couldn’t help but compare it to my obedience to God.
Just like running makes me aware of my physical weaknesses, obedience makes me aware of my ‘spiritual weaknesses’. I hate that discomfort.
I hate that moment when I know I need to approach someone and pray for them because I don’t like initiating – it’s vulnerable.
I hate it when obedience means sitting still and waiting because I feel far more effective and “valuable” when I”m busy doing something.
I hate it when I know I’ve got something good to say and need to interject myself into a conversation because it reminds me of my insecurities.
I hate how much I see my flesh in all of that.
I may hate running, but I love the way I feel afterwards. I love that it boosts my energy. I love that it makes me healthier. I love that it strengthens my muscles and produces endurance. I love that my body can do things it doesn’t want to.
And while my flesh sometimes hates the act of obedience, it’s what makes my spirit come alive and I love that!!
I love the way Holy Spirit chooses to use me to do His work when I push through obedience.
I love that obeying and seeing God at work strengthens my faith – that makes me want to do it again.
I love knowing I just did what my Heavenly Father asked even if the result isn’t what I thought it should be.
I love recognizing the moments when my flesh doesn’t win.
So maybe I shouldn’t say I hate either one of those things, maybe I should just hate the weakness and love that it’s leaving when I choose to do hard things. Who knows, maybe if I keep running and obeying long enough, I’ll learn to love them.
